


Be My Fake Date—No, Not You!

by mikkimouse



Category: Teen Wolf (TV), Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crossover, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Galaxy Garrison, Humor, M/M, POV Alternating, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 13:21:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13858623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikkimouse/pseuds/mikkimouse
Summary: It was a stupid situation, and yet, Shiro was not terribly surprised Stiles was the one who'd managed to land in it. "I'll fake date you."Three dark heads all swiveled to look at him at once, with varying degrees of shock on their faces."What," Derek said."Are youserious?" Keith asked in disbelief."Are you serious?" Stiles echoed, his eyes huge. "You'll be my fake boyfriend?"(When Stiles's grandmother won't stop bringing blind dates for him to meet on their weekly video calls, he turns to his friends for someone to be his fake boyfriend to get her off his back. Shiro agrees to help him out, but neither of them expects just how Keith and Derek will react.)





	Be My Fake Date—No, Not You!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cobrilee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cobrilee/gifts).



> The lovely [Cobrilee](http://cobrilee.tumblr.com/) won me in the [Fandom Loves Puerto Rico](https://fandomlovespuertorico.dreamwidth.org) auction last year, and when she couldn't decide between Sterek and Sheith, she decided to ask me for both, plus fake dating at Galaxy Garrison. But specifically, she wanted Shiro and Stiles fake dating while Keith and Derek got, uh, irritated about it. XD I hope this is everything you wanted, dear, and thank you so much for both the prompt and your generosity. <3
> 
> Thank you to [bleep0bleep](http://bleep0bleep.tumblr.com/) and [domesticated-chaos](http://domesticated-chaos.tumblr.com/) for the beta read!

Shiro took a seat at his usual lunch table in the Garrison cafeteria, balancing his food tray in one hand and flipping through his notes for the next class in the other. He had a massive astronomy exam in the morning, and he was feeling the pressure. 

His friends were already in the middle of a conversation, but Shiro ignored it in favor of a quick _hey_ and going back to his notes. Stiles was in the middle of rambling about God knows what; Shiro could just pick up the thread whenever they switched topics or someone mentioned his name. 

Then he heard Stiles say, "But Derek, _why_ won't you date me?" 

Shiro slowly looked up from his notes to see Stiles practically pouting across the table, Derek gradually turning red under his barely regulation-length black scruff, and Keith raising his eyes to the ceiling in a very familiar "please God strike me down now" gesture. 

Shiro set his notes down. "Did I miss something?"

"Stiles is an idiot," Keith said helpfully. 

"Dude!" Stiles flailed. "Stiles is not an idiot. Stiles needs a _date_." 

Keith set his bowl of macaroni on Shiro's tray. "You don't need a date, you need a spine."

Shiro pulled the macaroni to him and handed Keith his fruit cup with the grapes already picked out. "Somebody want to tell me what's going on?" 

"Stiles wants a fake date," Derek said through gritted teeth. 

Shiro blinked. "Okay. Uh, why?" 

" _Shiro_." Stiles turned to him with pleading eyes. "I have a video call with my grandmother this afternoon and she's bringing _another_ blind date. Every single time we talk, she's dug up some other poor, hapless person she wants to set me up with. I have told her no. I have begged. I have tried every trick I can think of under the sun—and I can think of a _lot_ —but she doesn't listen! She keeps saying I need to find someone and settle down." 

"That's ridiculous. You just turned eighteen two months ago," Shiro said.

"Yes. _I am well aware_." Stiles buried his face in his hands. "As is my grandmother, because every other person in our family was dating 'The One' by the time they were my age and she's convinced I'm going to die old and alone." 

"But...you're _eighteen_ ," Shiro repeated. "And you're one of the top students in your class at the Garrison." 

Stiles viciously stabbed at the peas on his plate. "Well, apparently the prospect of exploring the stars isn't _nearly_ as important to a fulfilling life as getting married before you can legally drink alcohol." 

Shiro took a bite of his mac and cheese. "That still doesn't explain the fake date." 

"Stiles seems to think telling his grandmother he's already in a relationship will get her off his back," Derek muttered. 

Stiles jabbed his fork at Derek. "I have tried literally _everything else_. I'm grasping at straws at this point. Not even straws. Threads. _Clouds_. I am grasping at clouds." 

"That doesn't even make any sense," Keith said. 

Stiles spun on him. "I _know_ , because this situation has sucked _all_ of my sense-making abilities out of my brain."

Keith rolled his eyes and stole a curly fry of Stiles's plate, and Stiles squawked in outrage.

Derek dug into his food like he was resolutely trying to ignore everything around him. 

Shiro sighed. "So all you need is a person to sit next to you while you video call your grandmother so she thinks you have a boyfriend?" 

Stiles nodded eagerly. "Yes, and I asked Captain Sunshine over here," he flicked a pea at Derek, "but apparently he has some kind of _moral opposition_ to lying to grandparents." 

"She's an innocent old woman," Derek argued. 

"She is _related to me_ ," Stiles snapped. "She's a menace." 

Keith coughed on a piece of fruit. "That's not a very nice thing to say about your grandmother." 

"Dude. You've met me." Stiles waved a hand over himself. "Are you seriously surprised my family's the same way?"

It was a stupid situation, and yet, Shiro was not terribly surprised Stiles was the one who'd managed to land in it. "I'll fake date you." 

Three dark heads all swiveled to look at him at once, with varying degrees of shock on their faces. 

"What," Derek said.

"Are you _serious_?" Keith asked in disbelief. 

"Are you serious?" Stiles echoed, his eyes huge. "You'll be my fake boyfriend?" 

Shiro shrugged. "It's just for one call, right? She'll see you're dating an upperclassman, you won't have to deal with any more blind dates, and you can just conveniently forget to mention that we broke up five minutes after she hung up." 

Stiles lunged across the table and grabbed his hand. "Oh my God, _thank you,_ I love you, I'm going to marry you."

Shiro laughed and extricated himself from Stiles's grip. "I don't think we need to go as far as a fake engagement." 

Derek choked on his food. 

Shiro immediately patted his back. "Are you okay?" 

"Fine," Derek said, but it sounded a bit strangled. "I've just...got to go." 

He was up and out of the cafeteria before Shiro could ask what was wrong. That was strange. 

Shiro shook it off and turned back to Stiles, who was staring at Derek's vanishing back with a look Shiro could only describe as "pining." 

Huh. So that was probably why he'd asked Derek first. 

Shiro cleared his throat. "So when is this call with your grandmother?" 

"Oh! Uh, sixteen hundred." Stiles went back to cramming curly fries into his mouth. "Can you get to my room thirty minutes before so we can get our stories straight?" 

Shiro mentally reshuffled his afternoon plans. "Yeah, I can do that."

"Great." Stiles stood up. "I've got to, uh, things. I'll see you later?" 

"See you later," Shiro said, but Stiles was already halfway across the cafeteria. "Okay, then." 

Keith was glaring at his fruit cups. "This is a stupid idea." 

Shiro shrugged and started on his second bowl of mac and cheese. "Probably, but Stiles is my friend. It won't kill me to spend an hour pretending to date him." 

Keith muttered something under his breath that Shiro didn't quite catch. 

"What was that?" Shiro asked. 

"Nothing," Keith said. "Enjoy your fake date."

***

Derek strode away from the cafeteria as fast as he could, doing his best to control the anger seething in the pit of his stomach. It wasn't right to lie to someone about being in a relationship. And while he _could_ believe that Stiles had landed on this ridiculous idea, he couldn't believe that _Shiro_ , of all people, was going along with it. 

_That's because you wish you had said yes now_ , a darkly jealous voice whispered in the back of his mind. 

Derek shoved it away. 

"Hey, Derek, wait up!" 

Of course Stiles had come after him. Of _course_ he had, because that was just Derek's luck. 

And still he slowed down, because even after nearly four years of friendship and two years of unrequited pining, Derek couldn't say no to Stiles. 

Stiles trotted up to him, amber eyes full of concern. "Hey, man, are you okay?" 

_You're going to pretend to be dating one of my best friends, how do you think I'm doing?_ Derek wanted to say, but he bit his tongue. "I'm fine." 

"Okay." Stiles didn't look like he believed him. "You just took off out of there really fast." 

"I have things to do," Derek said. He was pretty sure he could think of something, anyway. "I lost track of time." 

"It doesn't bother you that Shiro's helping me out?" 

It rankled at him, but like hell Derek was going to admit it. He lifted one shoulder. "Why would it bother me?" 

"Because you know we're just friends," Stiles said. 

Derek rolled his eyes. "I _know_ , Stiles. It's just a fake date to get your grandmother off your back. It's fine. I've got to go." 

Stiles still didn't look entirely convinced, but at least he didn't make another move to stop him. "Okay. I'll, uh, see you after classes?" 

"Yeah, see you later," Derek said, and fled once again.

***

Shiro put everyone's weirdness at lunch out of his mind and focused on his afternoon classes. He was just about finished with the actual schoolwork portion of his time at the Garrison, which his professors seemed to be celebrating by loading him down with more homework than he'd had since his first year. It definitely ensured he wouldn't miss _this_. 

Naturally, his last class of the day ran long, so he had to book it to get across the Garrison campus to Stiles's dorm room on time. 

Stiles opened the door and looked like he was about to collapse in relief. "Oh my God, thank you, I was terrified you were going to stand me up for a minute there." 

"My class ran late." Shiro stepped into the room. "I would've sent you a message if I couldn't make it." 

Stiles raked his fingers through his hair. "I know that, man, I just...it's a little nerve-wracking and I really couldn't blame you if you bailed." 

"I said I'd help you out, I'm helping you out." Shiro looked around the small, messy dorm. "So where are we sitting?" 

Stiles gestured to the hastily made bed on the right. "Bed. Not like we've got a lot of seating options here." 

Shiro took a seat and combed his fingers through his hair. Hopefully it didn't look like he'd just run halfway across the Garrison. "Just wait until you're in my year. You have enough room for a _chair_." 

Stiles snorted. "Be still my heart. So what should our story be?" 

Shiro frowned. "Our story?" 

Stiles dropped onto the bed beside him and grabbed his computer. "Yeah! Like, how we met, how long we've been dating, that kind of thing. She is _going_ to ask." 

That seemed unnecessarily complicated. "Why wouldn't we just tell her the truth?" 

Stiles scoffed. "Oh, that we met because you and Derek caught me and Keith breaking into the flight simulator after hours? Yeah, that'll go over _great_." 

Shiro raised his eyebrows. "Will your grandmother actually believe that you haven't broken any rules here yet?" 

"Plausible deniability, Shirogane, _that's_ what I'm going for here."

"Fine. We met through our friends," that was close enough to the truth, "and started dating a couple of weeks ago. How does that sound?" 

Stiles nodded. "Good. Yeah, good. It'll also explain why I haven't mentioned you before. Do you think she'll notice if I'm nervous?" 

"You're introducing a guy you're dating to your grandmother," Shiro said. "I think that'll excuse you being a little nervous." 

Stiles's shoulders slumped. "Yeah. Right. Okay." 

He looked uncharacteristically down. Shiro rested a hand on his shoulder. "Are _you_ sure about this? Because if you're not, I can leave. It's fine." 

Stiles shook his head. "No, it's not that. It's just..." 

When he didn't finish, Shiro took a stab in the dark. "I'm not Derek?" 

Stiles whipped around to him, eyes huge. "Oh, _sh—_ "

The video call rang, interrupting him, and Shiro quickly scooted closer to Stiles and pasted a welcoming grin on his face. Stiles swore under his breath and hit a button on the computer, and the video popped up, revealing an older woman with Stiles's brown eyes and the brightest red hair Shiro had ever seen in his life. "Mieczysław! My favorite grandson. Wait. Who's with you?" 

"Grandma!" Stiles said. "This is, uh—" 

"Takashi Shirogane," Shiro jumped in. "But everyone calls me Shiro." 

"Oi, just like Mieczysław, using a nickname instead of the one your parents gave you," Mrs. Stilinski said. "Are you friends?" 

Stiles grabbed Shiro's hand. "Uh, well, that's what I wanted to tell you, Grandma. He's my boyfriend." 

"Boyfriend?!" Mrs. Stilinski exclaimed. 

"Boyfriend?" a new voice echoed off the screen, and a pale girl with blond hair shoved her way in front of the camera. "You told me he was single!" 

Shiro stared at the new girl. Stiles hadn't been lying; his grandmother really _had_ been trying to set him up.

"I thought he was!" Mrs. Stilinski said. "Mieczysław, you didn't tell me you had a boyfriend!"

"Because I was planning to tell you _today_." Stiles gestured at Shiro. "Where you could _see him_."

Shiro waved. "It's nice to meet you."

The blond girl eyed him, assessing. "And _very_ nice to meet you." 

" _Hey_ , hands off, he's taken," Stiles snapped. 

Mrs. Stilinski sighed and ushered the girl off with muttered apologies, and then sat back down in front of the camera. "Okay, Mr. Shirogane, tell me how you got to know my Mieczysław."

Aside from the first awkward bit of the conversation, the video call went pretty well, and as far as Shiro could tell, Mrs. Stilinski didn't suspect he and Stiles weren't together. That wasn't too surprising, though; they had been friends for nearly four years and they had a lot of stories together. Shiro supposed that helped sell the ruse. 

"I like you," Mrs. Stilinski declared. "Mieczysław, I'm going to send you cookies. Be sure to share them with your young man." 

"Yes, Grandma," Stiles said. "We've got to go, but I'll talk to you next week, okay?" 

"Okay. Love you. Be good. Keep your grades up." 

"Love you, too, Grandma." Stiles ended the video call and buried his face in his hands. " _Ugh_." 

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" Shiro asked. 

"No, man, you were great. Grandma meant it when she said she liked you. I could tell." Stiles flopped back on the bed and groaned. "Thank you. You really saved my ass there." 

"Happy to help." Shiro sat back on his hands. "So she really has been bringing dates to every video call." 

"Dude." Stiles swatted him. "I _told you_." 

"You also have a tendency to exaggerate sometimes," Shiro pointed out. 

Stiles sighed and scrubbed his hands over his face. "Not about my family. _Never_ about my family." 

Shiro patted him on the shoulder. "Well, hopefully this will get her off your back for a little while." 

"Yeah." Stiles didn't sound particularly excited about that fact. 

"Are you okay?" Shiro asked. 

"I'm fine," Stiles said. "I just...I'm not interested in any of the people she's introducing me to because there's already someone I'm interested in here. And when I tried telling her that, she kept pestering me to bring him in on the call, because 'why don't you just tell him you like him, Mieczysław? If he's a good boy, he'll know you're a catch.'"

"Ah," Shiro said. "So that's why you were asking Derek?" 

Bright pink splotches appeared on Stiles's cheeks, and he appeared to be focusing very intently on a spot on the ceiling. "There's a small chance that might have been an influence in my decision, yes." 

"You asked the guy you like to be your _fake_ date?" 

Stiles flailed. "There was a plan!" 

"What, that by sitting next to each other on your bed for half an hour, you guys would suddenly be really dating?" 

Stiles glared at him. "I didn't say it was a _good_ plan. Or entirely thought through."

"No kidding." Shiro poked his arm. "Why don't you just ask Derek on a date for real?" 

Stiles swatted his hand away. "Because you guys are, like, the best friends I have here, and I don't want to screw that up or make it weird with my pining." 

"I don't think you would," Shiro said. "And it's possible Derek feels the same way." 

Stiles snorted and rolled his eyes. "Really? _Really?_ About me?" 

Shiro shrugged. "He lets you hang all over him all the time. He doesn't even let _me_ do that, and I've known him longer than you." 

He and Derek had known each other since their first year at the Garrison, when they'd bonded over a shared love of history and a shared dislike of their history class. And while Derek didn't mind it when Shiro or Keith touched him (Shiro knew; he'd asked), it was nothing compared to the way he and Stiles gravitated toward each other. 

Derek had never mentioned anything, but Shiro wouldn't have been surprised if Stiles's feelings were reciprocated. 

Stiles sat up, but he didn't look convinced. "You won't say anything, will you?" 

"Of course not," Shiro said. "It's your secret. Besides...I know what it's like." 

He hadn't mentioned that to anybody before. 

Stiles nodded sagely. "Keith, right?" 

Shiro sighed. "I'd hoped it wasn't _that_ obvious." 

"Shiro. You get an extra fruit cup at every lunch and pick the grapes out before you give it to him," Stiles said. "And he gets the macaroni and cheese for you. I thought you guys were married already." 

Shiro shoved him. "Look. I'll make you a deal. You say something to Derek, and I'll say something to Keith." 

"So we either both get off our asses, or we both quietly pine for eternity?" Stiles asked. 

"It's been working pretty well for the past four years," Shiro said. 

Stiles winced. "That doesn't sound great for us." 

Shiro rubbed his hand through his hair. "Yeah. I know."

***

Derek had just moved over to the punching bags in the gym when Keith came up to him and grabbed the bag. "Spar with me." 

Derek raised an eyebrow. "Was that a request?" 

Keith tied back his dark hair and narrowed his eyes. "No, not really." 

Derek had a feeling this wasn't going to end well for him. Keith was one of the best fighters at the Garrison, period. He'd been moved into Lieutenant Colonel Brooks' advanced combat class in his second year, which was unheard of, and could hold his own with cadets two and three years older than him. While sparring together regularly over the course of the past few years had helped Derek keep up with him, he knew he wasn't a match for Keith when he was angry. 

And Keith was definitely angry right now.

Sure enough, within five seconds of hitting the mat, Derek was flat on his back. He glared at Keith, who glared right back at him and rolled to his feet. 

Derek followed suit, but more slowly. "Why are you so pissed?"

"Why in the hell didn't you suck it up and pretend to be Stiles's boyfriend for one _freaking_ phone call?" Keith snapped. 

Derek got into his stance. "Because I'm not helping him lie to his grandmother." 

Keith snorted. "Like you care about that." 

Derek started to argue, but Keith practically vaulted across the mat and he had to focus on defending himself. Not that it mattered, because ten seconds later, Keith had him pinned again. 

Keith jumped back up. "What's the real reason?" 

Derek swiped a hand across his forehead, and this time when he got up, he lunged for Keith. It wasn't much of a surprise, but it gave him just enough of an edge that he was able to pin Keith that time. 

He shoved himself off Keith and sat on the mat. "Because I'm not going to sit there and pretend to be his date when I'd rather be doing it for real."

Keith sat up and pushed his shaggy hair out of his eyes. "Then why the hell didn't you _tell_ him that?" 

Derek sighed. "You heard him. He was just 'looking for a bro to help him out.'"

"Yeah, and now that 'bro' is _Shiro_."

Derek really didn't need the reminder. "I'm aware of that, thank you. Why do _you_ care?" 

Keith turned his glower to the other side of the gym, where the students for the regular combat class were starting to filter in. "Because Shiro doesn't do anything halfway. If he says he'll be Stiles's fake boyfriend, he'll be the best fake boyfriend he can. Which means they'll probably be _really_ dating before the month is out." 

Derek's heart dropped to the pit of his stomach. "You've got to be kidding. It's just one phone call." 

"What if it's not?" Keith shot back.

The thought made him freeze. He didn't really think Stiles and Shiro were interested in each other, but if they had to spend a lot of time together, just the two of them...

"Crap," Derek said. 

Keith punched the mat. "Exactly."

***

At nineteen hundred, Shiro dragged himself away from his astronomy notes and down to the cafeteria for dinner. He wasn't sure which he needed more: the break or the food. 

Once again, Keith, Derek, and Stiles were already sitting at one of the tables, and Shiro quickly loaded a tray to join them. He smiled stupidly at the fruit cup he'd picked up—he'd actually found one without grapes. 

"Hey, Shiro!" Stiles said brightly when Shiro took his usual seat beside Derek. "How's the studying going?" 

Neither Keith nor Derek said anything, which was a little strange, but not entirely unusual. Shiro nodded back at Stiles. "Pretty sure my eyes are going to fall out of my head before the test tomorrow. Seymour's class is _rough_." 

"So how'd your fake date go?" Keith asked. 

"Great!" Stiles said. "Shiro scared away the girl Grandma brought to set me up with." 

"I didn't do anything but sit there," Shiro protested. 

Stiles winked at him. "And Grandma loved you. Best boyfriend _ever_. " 

Shiro rolled his eyes and tucked into his spaghetti. "Anything for you, _dear_."

Next to him, Derek snapped a plastic fork in half. 

Stiles frowned at him. "Dude, you okay?" 

"Fine," Derek grumbled. "I'm going to get another fork." 

He was out of his seat without another word, stalking across the cafeteria. 

That was definitely weird. Shiro frowned. "Is everything okay with him?" 

Keith shrugged and stabbed at his plate. "Maybe he just didn't want to sit here and listen to you guys flirt with each other." 

That was even more unlike Keith. Shiro stared at him. "Is everything okay with _you_?" 

"It's nothing," Keith said. 

"Dude." Stiles looked both confused and a little hurt. "You do realize we aren't into each other, right? Like. Fake date. Fake boyfriend. Kind of the point." 

"Whatever." Keith grabbed his tray and stood. "Maybe you two should actually act like it was fake, then." 

"Keith, hey!" Shiro stood and started after him, but Keith was already across the cafeteria, shoulders up like he was protecting himself. 

"Why are they being such _dicks_?" Stiles asked. "It was one phone call! And they know we were faking it!" 

"I have no idea." Shiro looked around for Derek, who also seemed to have vanished. "Unless...do you think they're jealous?" 

Stiles scoffed, and then froze halfway through and his gaze went thoughtful. "Jealous that we're fake-flirting with each other and they're too chickenshit to make a move?" 

"I wouldn't have put it that way, but maybe." 

Stiles got a gleam in his eye that Shiro was unfortunately familiar with. It meant that Stiles had an idea, and it usually meant Shiro or Derek was anywhere from five minutes to five hours away from having to get him and Keith out of whatever mess they'd landed themselves in. 

"So. I realize that the adult, responsible thing to do in this situation would probably be to find them and explain there's no danger of us being into each other because we're into _them_." Stiles steepled his fingers. "But I have another proposition for you instead." 

Shiro tapped his fork against his plate. "I'm listening." 

"Do you want to keep pretending to be boyfriends until they get fed up and make a move?" 

Shiro opened his mouth, closed it again, and considered. "Do you think that will work?" 

Stiles shrugged. "I have no idea, but I do think they're being absolute assholes and I feel like payback's a bitch." 

"Normally I would say no," Shiro said. "But in this case..." 

Stiles grinned. "In this case?" 

Shiro had a feeling he was going to regret this later, but he took a drink of his water and forged ahead. "What time do you want me to get you for breakfast tomorrow, sweetie?" 

Stiles rested his chin in his hand and batted his eyelashes. "How about oh-eight hundred, honey lamb?"

***

Derek walked into the cafeteria for breakfast the next morning and froze. 

Stiles and Shiro were sitting next to each other. 

They'd always sat the same way when they sat together: Derek next to Shiro, with Stiles across from him, and Keith across from Shiro. He wasn't sure how they'd fallen into that pattern, but it had been that way since they'd all started eating together four months into Keith and Stiles's first year at the Garrison. 

But now Stiles was sitting next to _Shiro_. 

Derek's stomach sank, and he debated sitting somewhere else, but Stiles spotted him and waved him over. _Crap_. 

He took the seat in front of Stiles. "So what are you guys doing?" 

Stiles stole a piece of fruit of Shiro's plate. "Practicing."

Derek's stomach sank even further. "Practicing for what?" 

"Stiles's grandmother has another blind date for him next week," Shiro said. "I guess she didn't think we were serious enough about each other." 

Stiles made a face. "I don't know how she could doubt our love, boo." 

Shiro patted his shoulder. "I know, sweetheart. We worked so hard to be such good fake boyfriends, too." 

The sound of Shiro calling Stiles _sweetheart_ made Derek's food turn to ash in his mouth, and he had to force himself to swallow. "So you have to do it again?" 

"Dude, I told you, Grandma's relentless," Stiles said. "This was the first time in weeks I haven't been forced into an awkward conversation with the nice girl she met at the library or the nice neighbor boy from next door. And it's all thanks to Shiro." 

"I'm just helping my friend out." Shiro looped his arm around Stiles's shoulder. "But it does mean we need to practice so that she knows you're off the market, darling." 

Stiles _beamed_ at Shiro and rested his head on his shoulder. "You're the best, honey pie." 

_They're just friends_ , Derek told the seething jealousy in his gut. He knew they were just friends. But that reminder didn't make it any easier to sit there and watch Stiles bat his eyes flirtatiously at Shiro. Especially not when he thought about what Keith had said the day before. 

Derek cleared his throat. "Terrible pet names aren't going to help your case."

Stiles flicked a piece of cereal at him. "Hey, terrible pet names are at least half the fun of being in a relationship." 

Derek rolled his eyes. "I pity the person you really date." 

Stiles huffed. "Well, it's not like anyone _else_ is interested. And besides, Shiro enjoys my terrible pet names. Don't you, fluffy butt?" 

Shiro coughed on his orange juice. "Maybe don't use that one in front of your grandma, sugar lips." 

Derek wondered what he'd done to deserve this, because this was hell. Pure and simple. "Do you have to practice this while I'm trying to eat?" 

Stiles widened his eyes innocently. "But Derek. If we don't practice, then Grandma won't believe us when we say we're dating, and she'll start setting me up on blind dates again. Just be glad you said no when I asked for help." He patted Shiro's arm. "Otherwise, you'd be stuck here listening to me make up terrible pet names just for you." 

Derek had to make himself put down his fork so he didn't break it. Again. "Well, that would be another kind of special hell." 

"What's another kind of special hell?" a new voice asked, and Keith sat down at the table and looked around. "And...why is Derek sitting by me?" 

"Because Shiro and Stiles have lost their damn minds," Derek muttered into his cereal.

Stiles wagged a finger at him. "Practicing. _Practicing_. We've got to get this fake dating thing down." He patted Shiro's chest. "Don't we, honey bear?" 

Keith stared at Stiles for a full five seconds, and then turned slowly to Derek and mouthed _honey bear?_

Derek shrugged helplessly. "That's actually not the worst one I've heard this morning." 

"So the fake dating thing is still happening?" Keith asked. 

Stiles nodded solemnly. "Afraid so. Grandma is _really_ pushy. But Shiro is really the best fake boyfriend a guy could ask for." 

Keith stabbed at his eggs. "Of course he is."

"It's just for the next week," Shiro said apologetically. "Once she's convinced Stiles is happily settled up here, she'll stop bringing people around, and things will go back to normal." 

Stiles had cuddled so close to Shiro he was practically on his lap. "Until then, we've just got to practice so that she sees how absolutely incandescently happy you make me, my precious pomegranate." 

Shiro smiled indulgently at him. "Anything for you, pumpkin pie." 

Another week of this bullshit. Another week of watching Shiro and Stiles make eyes at each other. Another week of, probably, watching Stiles go from seeing Shiro as a fake boyfriend to possibly seeing him as a real one. 

Derek glanced at Keith, who looked like he was debating gouging someone's eyes out with a fork. 

Yeah. This week was going to be a nightmare.

***

Derek might have _known_ , logically, that it would be terrible to see Shiro and Stiles practicing their fake dating all week, but living through it was another thing entirely. 

They sat together at every meal, either holding hands or with Stiles practically hanging off Shiro's arm. Every other sentence ended with an endearment that set Derek's teeth on edge. Once, Derek walked into the study lounge to see Stiles sitting on Shiro's _lap_. 

"Let me guess. Practice kissing?" Derek had asked acidly. 

Stiles's eyes had lit up. "Oh, dude, that's a great idea!" 

Derek had fled before he had to watch _that_ happen, and cursed himself for bringing it up in the first place. 

But seeing it all wasn't the worst part. The worst part was seeing just how good of a boyfriend Shiro _would_ be for Stiles. Keith hadn't been lying; Shiro _did_ put everything in to being a fake boyfriend. And it didn't hurt that Shiro was definitely attractive. He and Stiles...they were good together. 

And that chafed at Derek more than he wanted to admit. 

He did his best to stay away from them as much as he could without it being obvious he was keeping his distance. Just for a week, he told himself. Just until they did the call with Stiles's grandmother. Then things would go back to normal. 

At least, that was what he hoped.

***

Shiro left the study lounge and started the trek back to his dorm. It hadn't even been three days since he and Stiles had started "practicing" and he was already regretting going along with the idea, not in the least because it was difficult to study when he had to be on the lookout for Stiles randomly jumping onto him if Keith or Derek walked by. But it was also bothering him that they were essentially lying to their friends. 

_Lying to our crushes_ , he mentally amended. Granted, Keith and Derek had been assholes to them about the fake date thing, but Shiro wasn't sure this made it any better. 

_This is what I get for going along with one of Stiles's ideas,_ he thought, and rubbed his temple where a headache was building. 

He was just passing the gym when he spotted Keith walking out, hair tied back and carrying his uniform shirt slung over his shoulder. It looked like he'd been working out. 

Shiro jogged to catch up with him. "Hey, Keith!" 

Keith half-turned to him. "Oh. Hey. Where's your boyfriend?" 

Shiro slowed to a stop. "My boyfriend? You mean Stiles?" 

Keith shrugged. "He's been your shadow for the past few days." 

Shiro sighed. "Yeah. He's going all in with this fake dating thing. But no, I'm on my own tonight. I've got a paper due for anatomy at the end of the week that I've been trying to finish." 

Keith nodded. "That's rough." 

The conversation was stilted and awkward, which Shiro didn't think it had been between them since they'd first met and Keith was practically monosyllabic. And yet, he was still desperate to keep it going. "Are you heading back to the dorms?" 

"Yeah." 

"Mind some company?" 

He thought for sure Keith would tell him to shove it, but to his surprise, Keith shrugged again. "Sure, if you want." 

It wasn't much, but Shiro would take it. He fell into step beside him. "So what were you doing in the gym? Just working out?" 

"Sparring with Brooks," Keith said. 

Shiro's eyebrows shot up. "Brooks? As in, Lieutenant Colonel Brooks?" 

"Yup." 

Holy shit, Shiro hadn't known Brooks sparred with any of the cadets outside of classes. "How'd you do?" 

Keith shot a smirk in his direction. "We fought four times, and I pinned him once." 

Shiro rocked back, impressed. Even in the advanced combat class, he'd never seen any student even get close to pinning Brooks. Hell, the only person Shiro had _ever_ seen win a fight with him was Lieutenant Colonel Kaburagi, the other combat instructor. "That's amazing, Keith." 

Keith raked his hand through his hair and tugged it out of its ponytail. "Eh, it's not that big a deal." 

"Yeah, it really is." Shiro rested a hand on his shoulder. "At this rate you'll test out of Brooks' class by the end of the year, if not sooner." 

Keith lifted one shoulder, but from the small smile on his face, Shiro guessed he knew that. "It'd be nice if math was even _close_ to this easy." 

"Well, it's good to know you struggle with something like us mere mortals," Shiro said. 

Keith rolled his eyes. "Oh, please. You're practically the Garrison's golden boy. Do you have any idea how many high scores you hold in the simulators?" 

Shiro scoffed. "Yeah, and how many of those high scores have you beaten?" 

Keith chewed on his lip like he was thinking. "I don't know. Maybe a third of them so far?" 

Shiro pressed his lips together to keep from laughing. He had a feeling Keith knew _exactly_ how many of Shiro's high scores he'd beaten, and it was closer to half than a third. "Better watch out. They're going to start parading you out for pictures in the Garrison enrollment brochures." 

Keith shuddered. "God, I hope not. You can keep that part." 

Shiro laughed, and some tight part of his chest loosened. For the first time in days, it felt _normal_ between them again. He knew Keith and Derek had been avoiding him and Stiles, and he missed hanging out together, but more importantly, he missed _Keith_. 

He should tell Keith the truth, that he and Stiles weren't even trying to fool his grandmother anymore, and ask if he wanted to go get coffee sometime, just the two of them. Maybe then, Stiles and Derek would sort their own shit out. 

He started to ask when Keith's soft smile faded and his gaze immediately shuttered. Shiro frowned. "What's wrong?" 

"Hey, guys!" came Stiles's shout from behind them. 

Damn it. Shiro had to clench his jaw so he didn't groan out loud.

"I've got to go. Have fun with your 'pudding blossom,'" Keith muttered, and then he all but bolted down the hall. 

"Keith!" Shiro called after him, but Keith didn't so much as turn around. 

Stiles jogged to a stop beside him. "Everything okay? Keith took off like a shot." 

Shiro sighed and stared after Keith's retreating back. "I think our plan to piss them off is working a little _too_ well." 

Stiles grimaced. "What are the chances he decks me before this week is out?" 

Shiro seriously considered the question. "Getting higher with every pet name you invent, I think. And he beat Brooks in a sparring match tonight." 

Stiles's eyes doubled in size. "Holy shit, seriously?" 

"Keith doesn't lie about stuff like that." 

"Dude." Stiles gaped down the hall. "Okay, two things. One, do you think anybody got that on video? Because I would pay real cash money to see that." 

"I seriously doubt anyone was recording their sparring match," Shiro said. 

"Damn," Stiles said, but he still looked thoughtful. "Okay, two. Promise you won't let Keith _actually_ kill me?" 

Shiro patted Stiles's back. "Don't worry, sugar plum. I'm sure Derek will protect you." 

Stiles gasped and clutched his heart. "Not you? My lovely limeade will leave me?" 

Shiro snorted. "Come on, which of us do you _really_ want protecting you, anyway?" 

Stiles's cheeks turned pink, and he ducked his head. "Shut up." 

Shiro rolled his eyes. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

***

Shiro had no idea if Keith and Derek would show up for their regular sparring session on Thursday afternoon. The four of them tried to get together at least twice a week to spar—it was Keith's favorite thing at the Garrison that wasn't actual simulator time and Shiro tended to spar with him the most, and Derek and Stiles had started joining them so that Stiles's combat scores wouldn't be worse than they already were. 

_Usually_ , it was fun, and they'd all go to the Garrison coffee shop for snacks afterward. But this week hadn't really been a "usual" one. 

But Stiles and Keith were already in the locker room when Shiro got there, Keith quietly changing out of his uniform and pulling back his hair while Stiles rambled. That was normal enough, but then Shiro caught what Stiles was actually _saying_. 

"Seriously, dude, Shiro? Best fake boyfriend _ever_. I'm telling you, anyone who ends up with him for real is going to be the luckiest guy on the planet." Stiles chucked his uniform shirt into a locker. "If this is how he acts in a fake relationship, just imagine how he's going to be in a real one." 

Keith slammed his locker shut and turned around. "Hi, Shiro," he said flatly, and headed into the gym. 

Stiles spun around and nearly whacked his shoulder on the open locker door. "Oh, hey! Didn't see you come in." He looked back, and then lowered his voice. "I'm trying to talk you up to Keith." 

Shiro resisted the urge to facepalm. "I thought you _didn't_ want him to punch you in the face." 

Stiles flailed. "I don't! I thought it was helping! You know, reminding him how awesome you are and that he should make a move at some point?" 

"Or reminding him that _you're_ currently the one fake-dating me?" 

Stiles paused, considered, and then sighed. "Shit. I'm going to get punched." 

Shiro clapped him on the shoulder. "Don't worry. I'll spar with you." 

Stiles looked pathetically grateful at the idea. 

There were only a handful of students scattered through the gym—a few on the bags, some on the weights—and surprisingly, Derek and Keith were already sparring on the mats. That was probably a good thing, Shiro figured, given that both of them seemed to be more aggressive than usual. 

Stiles grabbed Shiro's arm. "You ready to do this, my precious petunia?" 

Really, he _had_ to have a list of pet names floating around somewhere; it was the only explanation. Shiro sighed and slung his arm around Stiles's shoulders. "Ready as always, honey dumpling." 

They took spots on the mat next to Keith and Derek, and Shiro motioned for Stiles to attack him. He did, but considering Shiro was used to sparring with Keith, it was fairly easy to avoid his attacks. Stiles wasn't _bad_ by any stretch of the imagination, but he was also the only one of the four of them who hadn't moved into the advanced combat class. Shiro had a feeling that he could, if he put his mind to it, but Stiles seemed satisfied where he was. 

Even so, Stiles was fighting worse today than he usually did. After the third time Shiro had pinned him, he pulled Stiles to his feet. "What's up with you?" 

"Nothing," Stiles said. "Guess I'm just getting distracted by your beautiful eyes." 

Shiro resisted the urge to roll said eyes and the urge to shoot a glance at Keith and Derek to see what their reactions were. "Your footwork's off." 

Stiles frowned at his feet. "Is it? I thought I was doing pretty well." He batted his eyelashes. "Can you show me what I'm doing wrong?" 

"Yeah, sure." Shiro started to demonstrate, and then caught the significant look Stiles was giving him. "What?" 

Stiles pointed at the mat behind him and raised his eyebrows, like he was trying to impart a thought directly into Shiro's brain through sheer force of will. 

It must have worked, because Shiro clued in to what Stiles had meant by "show me," and he sighed inwardly. Yeah, this was going to go great. 

He walked over and put his hands on Stiles's hips to move him into the right position. "Okay, you need to be standing like this," he put his leg between Stiles's legs to nudge his feet farther apart, "and your feet need to be about here. Got it?" 

"Mm, got it." Stiles gave him an exaggerated wink. "Although I might need to have you _show me_ again." 

Shiro patted his ass. "Well, just let me know." 

He took half a step away from Stiles and pain exploded across his cheek. He went straight down on the mat, hand on his face. _Holy shit._

Shiro looked up to see who'd sucker punched him just in time to see Keith jump on Derek, fists flying. Good God, they were going to _kill_ each other. 

He struggled to his feet to break it up—Derek had hit him hard enough he was still seeing stars—but before he had even gotten to his knees, Lieutenant Colonel Kaburagi was hauling Keith off Derek like he was a sack of flour and not 150 pounds of pissed-off cadet. 

Brooks was right behind him, and he grabbed Derek by the collar and dragged him to his feet. "What the hell was that, cadet?" 

Derek jerked away. "Sorry, sir." 

He stalked off toward the locker room without another word. Stiles gaped first at Shiro, then Keith, and then at Derek's retreating back, and then ran after him. 

Shiro sat back on the mat with a groan. If he didn't have a black eye in the morning, he'd be stunned. 

Brooks crouched in front of him. "Let me see it, Shirogane." 

Shiro dropped his hand so Brooks could take a look. "Will I live, doc?" 

"Doesn't look like anything's broken," Brooks said. "You may need an ice pack, though." 

"I'll go get one," Keith said, and belatedly added, "sir."

Brooks stood up and fixed a glare at him. "No, you're going to my office. _Now_." 

Keith paled. 

Shiro shook his head and winced at the pain. "Sir, please. He was just defending me."

"Oh, believe me, Hale's in trouble, too," Brooks said, narrowing his eyes in the direction of the locker room. 

"And I kind of deserved that punch," Shiro added. 

Both Brooks and Kaburagi stared at him with twin looks of surprise. " _You_ deserved that punch?" Kaburagi said. 

"No, you didn't!" Keith shouted. 

Shiro gave him a look that he hoped conveyed _shut up before you get into more trouble_. "It's a long story. But I swear, it won't happen again." 

From the way Brooks' glare hadn't relaxed one iota, Shiro guessed he wasn't exactly moved by the request. 

"So, _why_ did you deserve it?" Kaburagi asked. 

Shiro felt his face heat, and he ducked his head. "Because I, um. Patted Stiles. On the bottom. Sir." 

Brooks rubbed the bridge of his nose under his glasses and sighed exasperatedly, and Kaburagi looked like he was trying really, _really_ hard not to laugh. Keith crossed his arms and scoffed. 

"Kogane, go get an ice pack," Brooks finally said. "Shirogane, don't move unless it's to go to the nurse's office. And I want all _four_ of you in my office at sixteen hundred. That's an order." 

"Yes, sir," Shiro said, and Keith echoed him.

Brooks and Kaburagi headed back toward the offices, arguing in low tones, and Keith ran to the first aid kits. Shiro lay on the mat and wished he could go back in time and _kick_ himself from five minutes ago. 

Keith came back with an ice pack wrapped in a hand towel and handed it to Shiro. "I can't believe Stiles ran off after Derek instead of making sure you were okay." 

Shiro sat up with a groan and rested the pack on his face. It was _cold_ , but hopefully it would keep the swelling down. "Of course he did. One, we aren't actually dating. Two, he's not into me." He took a deep breath. "And three, he knows I'm into someone else." 

Keith jerked his head up, eyes wide. "You are?" 

Shiro sighed and propped his elbow on his knee so he didn't have to hold up the ice pack. "Yeah. Apparently my type is short, overprotective, and can beat the hell out of my simulator scores." 

"Oh," Keith said after a long beat.

Shiro closed his eyes. "Yeah."

Something brushed against his knee, and when he opened his eyes, he saw that Keith had scooted to sit right next to him. 

"So, just to be clear, you're into me?" Keith said. 

Shiro raised his head. Keith sounded hopeful. "Yeah, I'm into you."

He felt like he should've been more nervous about admitting that, but the throbbing in his face was really drowning out everything else. Maybe he owed Derek thanks for that. 

"So does that mean you'd want to get coffee sometime?" Keith asked. 

Shiro grinned, but the throbbing his cheek tripled and he hissed with the pain. 

Keith was immediately on his feet, one hand on Shiro's back. "Are you okay? Do you need anything?" 

Shiro shook his head and tugged Keith back to the mat. "I'm fine. Smiling was just a bad idea. And yes, I'd love to get coffee with you sometime." 

Keith's eyes lit up, and a slow smile spread across his face. "Really?" 

Shiro's heart flipped. Keith was always beautiful, but his smile was rare and Shiro cherished every one of them. "Yeah, really. And this time, I'm paying. Consider it an apology for this week." 

Keith leaned against him. "It's okay. I'm sorry I overreacted." 

"It's fine." Shiro rested his non-injured cheek on Keith's head. "We should probably go tell Stiles and Derek we're all going to get suspended for at least a week." 

Keith snorted. "We'll just let Stiles explain." 

Shiro groaned. "You really think that'll get us out of trouble?"

"No, but I'm pretty sure it'll be confusing enough that Brooks will let us off just to shut him up."

Shiro laughed as gently as he could. "I hope you're right."

***

Derek stalked into the locker room and yanked open his locker to change. It was stupid, so _stupid_ , to have lost his temper like that. This damn fake relationship between Stiles and Shiro had gotten into his head, and it would be a miracle if he _and_ Keith didn't get suspended for fighting. 

The door to the locker room swung open, and he looked up to see Stiles striding toward him, furious. "What the _fuck_ was that, Derek? You just haul off and punch Shiro in the face for doing something I _asked him to?_ " 

Derek turned his focus back to getting his uniform shirt on. "In that case, why aren't you with your _boyfriend_?" 

"Oh my _God_ , you asshole, you know we aren't really dating!" Stiles shouted. "It's _fake_ , and you've still been treating both of us like shit for the past week!" 

"Just because it's not real now doesn't mean that it won't be," Derek muttered. "You and Shiro are good together." 

A boot clanged into the locker door next to him, and Derek spun back around to Stiles. "What the hell was that?" 

"You absolute. Oblivious. _Dumbass_ ," Stiles seethed. "It's not going to be real because both of us are into other people! Specifically, emotionally constipated fuckheads who punch things instead of asking us out for coffee!" 

Derek stared at him, parsing that information. "Wait, are you into _Keith?_ " 

Stiles looked like he was about to throw another boot at his head. " _No!_ I'm into _you_ , you idiot! Although right now I don't have any fucking clue _why_." 

Derek continued to stare. Stiles was saying words, but they didn't make any sense. "Me." 

"Congratulations, you have grasped object pronouns." 

He ignored the barb. "You're into _me_."

Stiles clapped. "Look, ladies and gents, he's actually listening to me." 

"Is that why you asked me to be your fake boyfriend first?" Derek asked. 

Stiles flailed. " _Yes!_ I didn't think you guys were going to tell Shiro, and I didn't think he was going to say yes! I was trying to talk you into it!" 

"Then why in the hell didn't you just _tell_ me that?"

"Oh, sure, I'm going to open myself up to you right after you'd rejected me." 

"I said no because I didn't want it to be fake!" Derek yelled. 

Stiles gaped at him and took a step back. "Whoa, wait, what?"

Derek sighed and scrubbed his hands over his face. "I said no because I didn't want it to be fake, Stiles. I didn't want you introducing me to your grandmother as a fake boyfriend. I wanted to be your real one." 

"Wanted?" Stiles repeated quietly. 

"Want," Derek amended. 

All the anger and frustration he'd felt over the past week drained out of him, and Derek wasn't entirely sure what was left. Just a hollow regret over the way he'd acted toward Shiro and Stiles—two of his closest friends—and a dull fear that he'd lost his chance with Stiles. 

Stiles crossed the room and reached out to take Derek's hand. "In that case, do you want to meet my grandma next week? As my real boyfriend?" 

Derek pressed his lips together against the hope rising in his chest, and linked his fingers with Stiles's. "Don't you think we should start with coffee first?" 

Stiles lifted one shoulder. "We could also do dinner tonight, just the two of us? Galaxy Garrison mystery meat and potato surprise by candlelight?" 

"I'd like that." Derek rubbed his thumb over Stiles's hand. "I'd like that a lot."

***

"I can't fucking _believe_ we have to clean the locker room bathrooms," Stiles grumbled. 

Derek elbowed him. "We're lucky we're just stuck with cleaning duty for one day, instead of getting _suspended_."

"It was one fight!" Stiles protested. "And it was for true love! You were protecting my virtue, Keith was protecting Shiro's, it's all very romantic." 

From across the bathroom, Keith groaned. "Yeah, we were all there when you _made_ that argument." 

"I still can't believe that worked," Shiro said from one of the bathroom stalls. 

Stiles waved his sponge in Shiro's direction. "Oh, ye of little faith." 

Derek had been fully prepared to have a suspension on his record when they'd all shuffled into Brooks' office for their punishment. Instead, Stiles had launched into a detailed explanation of what had been going on the past week—the fake relationship, the mutual pining, the asshole moves on all their parts—and rounded it off by explaining why the fight was really just an expression of passion on all sides. 

Brooks had looked like he was fighting off a migraine by the end of it and Kaburagi looked like he might have pulled something trying to keep a straight face. However, it had worked; instead of suspension, the four of them had been ordered to report to the bathrooms the next afternoon for cleaning duty, and they'd been assured the fight wasn't getting reported to Commander Iverson, provided it never happened again.

Derek wasn't entirely sure that last part fit with Garrison regulations, but he sure as hell wasn't going to argue it. Granted, it meant they had to spend an entire afternoon cleaning bathrooms, but it was better than a suspension. 

He set at cleaning the stall next to Shiro. "Sorry about your eye." 

"It's okay," Shiro said. "I'd say I owe you one, but I'm pretty sure Keith got a couple of good hits in before Kaburagi dragged him off you." 

Derek winced. His ribs still hurt from that. "Yeah." 

"Sorry about the fake relationship," Shiro said. "We shouldn't have kept it going as long as we did." 

"It's fine." Derek finished with the toilet and mentally vowed never to throw another punch outside a sparring match ever again. "You were just trying to help Stiles, and we _were_ kind of dicks about it." 

"Hey!" Stiles shouted. "That fake relationship got us where we are today!" 

"You mean cleaning toilets?" Keith said dryly. 

" _No_ , I meant dating people we actually _like_ ," Stiles said. 

" _And_ cleaning toilets," Shiro said. "And I feel like I should take offense to that." 

"Yeah, don't you like Shiro?" Keith said. "I thought you were friends!" 

Stiles spluttered. "We are! I do! But—that's—that' s not what I meant and you know it!"

"Don't worry, babe." Derek kissed Stiles's cheek. "I know what you meant." 

Stiles beamed at him. " _Thank_ you, honey butt."

"Thank God I'm not trying to make up pet names anymore," Shiro said with a sigh. 

"What, I don't get a pet name?" Keith asked. 

Shiro raised an eyebrow. "Do you _want_ one, sugar lips?"

Keith's eyes went wide in horror. "Never mind." 

Derek laughed and went back to cleaning the next stall. He didn't mind Stiles's ridiculous pet names, but he'd never in a million years admit it. 

Behind him, he could hear Stiles and Keith bickering in such a way that meant one of them was about to throw a sponge, and Shiro reminding them both that the faster they finished cleaning, the faster they'd be able to get out of here and get lunch. Everything was back to normal. 

Well, Derek thought, with a glance over at Stiles and his stupidly huge grin, and at Shiro and Keith making eyes at each other in the mirrors while they cleaned the sinks, maybe things weren't _quite_ back to normal. 

Maybe now, they were even better.

**Author's Note:**

> Normally I avoid including references to my other fandoms in gift fics, but considering that I also dragged Cobrilee into Tiger & Bunny recently, I figured a little cameo by our favorite hero husbands would be a nice surprise. XD
> 
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://mad-madam-m.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mad_madam_m)!


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